life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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