i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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