I like to think it a success when the cops are called
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
