need another drink. this is the easiest way
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
we should paint friendship bongs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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