Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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