That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
