I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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