I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
