OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
