I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
