Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
