hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize