3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
