do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
