Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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