Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
