you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
