I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize