You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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