shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
These tits shall not be calmed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
