She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is Oprah even human
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
