Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
