Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
