Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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