I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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