You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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