apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
