He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She is in my trunk
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
