new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
