you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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