you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
