accomplished twins. life is a go
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
