if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize