so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Someone shattered a urinal.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
