I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
