I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
