Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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