Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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