I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
