maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
