it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
