You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
