he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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