Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
