Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
