Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
