I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
