just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
