My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
