saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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