He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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