well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
