i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
