Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
