what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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