# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
