HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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