1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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