Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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