In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What drink are we having for lunch?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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