life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
